Suck

The lights are up.

December 12th and we’ve made good on a promise. The kids have been asking about the decorations since October. We barely made it. Something the books don’t tell you, choosing to parent a child means opting into a relationship that will always aim to hold you accountable. Parenting is sometimes staring down the face of all of your shortcomings as a human being. Daily reminders of how much capacity for sucking you possess. A lot. You suck a lot.

But we can’t be left alone to sit in our suck, content and happy. Nope. Children motivate us to suck less. And that sucks. Because honestly, some days – it’s just easier to let them down. Is it OK to say that?

I’m not winning any father of the year awards right now. I wasn’t going to win any, it’s ok.

Parenting isn’t about awards or recognition. Parenting is running through woods and fields in the rain looking for the dog the kids accidentally let out of the house. Not because you love the dog. It’s those kids. You love those kids.

So, even on days when drowning out the house with headphones would be our preference, we can’t. These tiny representations of expectations suck us back into responsibility. And we are better for it.